Forever Fearful

I went to buy a packet of panadols today knowing I had none left in the house. I did not have a headache i just hate not having them in the house.I thought to myself this is silly you don't have to get them right now I can get them tomorrow or the next day.. As a regular headache getter there is nothing worse than going through a whole night with your head throbbing and wanting to go to sleep but unable to shake the dull bang bang bang that is going on inside your skull.
Murphys law it is 10.30pm and I have a headache with no panadol in the house.I think I brought it on myself.

I have been coding invoices for the past hour and heard the news update concerning North Korea and the missiles they have fired off. 7 in total now. It scares the hell out of me. I just feel totally frightened. A kind of irrational fear. It is all consuming. I can never seem to take in news around me and let it go. Not discard it but just let it go. I remember as a child I would hear a noise outside the window and my mind would just run away from me thinking all the things it could possibly be. My older sister factually explaining the liklihood of it being a murderer or the wind moving the pomegranate bush's twigs on our window pane!

One thing I think of as an adult with children is how important it is to make them feel safe when they are fearful of something. I don't know if I now believe in God as such but as a child it was always comforting to know we would go to heaven after death. At least I could go to sleep after one of mums chats. I hope I instill that same kind of comfort to my own children when they feel afraid. However it poses the question for me as to how to make your fears as an adult seem not so frighteneing when you know all the facts.

I think I will go to bed and rub some lavender into my temples and try and get an image of me as a 12 yr old on the bars at gymnastics- Doing kip up after kip up. I never liked the magnesium on my hands and the blisters that would form on top of blisters. In fact bars was my worst event but every night when something was bothering me I woulsd get this image of the bars and it has stuck with me right through my life to date. Wierd.
Night..